I fell off the wagon.

This was me yesterday and today, really, already. (I stole this picture from a blog I just started reading and think you should check out if you're keen on that sort of thing. Is This Thing On? I like her style.
I fell off of the good eating wagon. I am not a 'clean eater' by any means, but I had been doing very well for the last few weeks on upping my veggies and downing needless sugary crap. Until yesterday happened. Yesterday I was pretty much drooling on myself over the thought of a cheeseburger and, since I hadn't grocery shopped in roughly 4 weeks, I didn't have a full dinner to pull together and I convinced Eric to take me out for a burger.
I want to tell you we got delicious gourmet cheeseburgers that were cooked to our specifications. I want to tell you that the indulgence was worth it.
We went to Hardees. No. It was not worth it.
This morning, because I'm on crappy food hangover, I guess, I forgot my lunch and I have exactly lettuce to eat, so I decided Hey! Breakfast out will fill you up longer and the you won't be so desperate for real food at lunch and a salad will sound good! (Fat girl reasoning at it's finest, I'm sure.) So I got McDonald's breakfast and had a frap and a sausage egg and cheese McMuffin and that may have been worth it. I'm not sure yet.

I'm trying to make getting exercise fit into my day. I sit at a desk all day, as I've lamented previously, and it's not exactly an environment conducive to weight loss. Lately, though, I've been doing a lot of leg lifts and squats at my desk when the office is empty. What a glamorous life I lead.
I'm starting to worry that 30 by 30 is too lofty a goal. There is cake in my life sometimes and I am not good at saying no to cake.

It is now almost my lunch time. I have been sort of blogging all day. And, results are in. The breakfast was worth it. I am not very hungry.

What's In A Name?

Today I am linking up with Amanda at My Very Own Modern Family for her link party:


Amanda loves baby names and so do I. I may maintain a list of baby names I love, that I am constantly editing, even though I'm done having babies. What? Not everyone I know is done having babies and maybe someone will let me name theirs. It could happen. So, when I saw around blogland that Amanda was asking people to talk about their children's names and why they gave those names, I knew I had to join in and stalk all of the other posts!
I have, as most of you know, two girls. So, without further ado!

Eva Anna-Mercedes - I picked out Eva's first name when I was newly pregnant. I loved it. It felt so glamorous to me (that sounds super dumb right now but it's true) and I was set on having something a little different but not random or too foreign. Eric was uninterested in the name to begin with and we initially settled on Kendall. We were set on that until... well, I changed my mind is what it boils down to. It's a great name but I heard someone use it for a boy and then someone else said something about "Ken Doll" and that was the end for me. I wanted to formally name her Evangeline and call her Eva, but Eric told me that sounded like "a scary witch name" and there were hand gestures involved and I lost that battle. He liked Lucy and I liked Eva and we went into the delivery room without being positive. But, when she came, I asked him if she was Eva or Lucy and he declared her Eva. So, Eva it was. Anna-Mercedes is a big name with a lot of meaning. My grandmothers were two amazing women who I really wanted to honor and I was terrified I wouldn't have a second girl and then someone would be left out. My paternal grandmother was Anna Elizabeth and my maternal grandmother was Irene Ann, so I used Anna as a way to mash-up honor the both of them. Eric's grandmother, Nana, is Mexican and might be my favorite person alive today. She's adorable and sweet and her name is Mercedes. I have loved that name for pretty much forever as well, but Eric did not think we should name our first born after a luxury car brand, so I stuck that together with Anna to get a long ass middle name packed with a lot of meaning. (Both of my grandmothers are dead, but Nana is going strong. She cried when she found out Eva's name and she carried a picture around to all of her little friends to show them her "Tocaita" (spelling is probably butchered) which means, roughly, "person of the same name". She was so incredibly honored and I'm so glad we did it.

Audrey Elizabeth - Man. After all of that you would think Audrey's name would have more meaning than it does. But, as i said, I wanted to honor EVERYONE with that first shot in case the second child was a boy. So, when Aud came along, we were kind of short on inspiration. I liked Irene very much, but my sister had used that as her youngest daughters middle name and I didn't want to reuse the name. I know. So dumb. Audrey had been a name I loved when I was a little girl and carried around a baby doll and a baby name book. It was probably the first name that I actually loved. I have no idea why I didn't even consider it for my first child. It never even came to mind. But, when we were expecting Audrey it was a forerunner early on. We went into the delivery room unsure once again, but knowing that her name would be either Audrey or Vivienne. When she came, Eric said she looked like an Audrey and it stuck. Elizabeth is my confirmation name and also my Granny's middle name. I lost her while I was pregnant with Eva and I guess it felt right to give her a double nod. That, or I just liked the name.We had considered (or I had) trying to honor our mothers as both of them have Marie or Maria in their names, but I'm not a big enough fan of that one.

Well there you have it. Short books on why I named my girls what I named them. With both I had a short period right after they were born where I panicked that I had ruined their lives with their names, but, no. They're exactly right for those two.

Weekend Recap

Hola friend(s)! Happy Monday to you. How was your weekend?
I promised a recap of the trip to the Goodwill Outlet and I am disappointed to tell you that I don't have much to share! It was pretty dead, to be honest, and I don't know if it was the freak three or so inches of snow we got or the football game that was apparently happening yesterday that caused the shortage of crazy. There was one man who had some kind of pointy object and was kind of menacing, so there is that, but otherwise not a lot to share. Disappointment was pretty large.
I did get to have a fantastic lunch with some friends and that was nice. Grown-up time without the children. It was incredibly low-stress and I really needed the recharge. After the lunch and before the Goodwill we went to Walgreens to pick up some latex gloves because I am not digging through the bins of Goodwill rejects without some kind of barrier between me and the God only knows what this is in those bins. While Julie, Elizabeth and I waited in the car, Steph and Becky ran in to get the gloves and we were accosted by some man not once, not twice, but three times. I am afraid of pretty much everything and I'm always certain that someone is out to get me, so when this man would not stop approaching my car, I just drove in circles around the parking lot... I win.
Saturday I took the little ladies to Target with me and they were really well behaved there. (I stress the word there because that was about the only time they were well behaved for me this weekend.) Eric had drill and that means I single-mothered it on Saturday and part of Sunday. It was...a  trial. I have not been alone alone with the girls in weeks since Eric's parents had been visiting for so long - and lets just be honest here. My kids are kind of needy and I'm not one of those patient moms who keeps calm when both kids are whining. I just whine right back. The drama llama was loose in my house this weekend is what I'm saying.
Saturday night we went for a quick drive and Eric mentioned that the children had been sleeping through the night for the last week or so and then of course that ended the streak. Remind me to hit him for that tonight because, man, I need my sleep.
I don't think Friday night actually happened, because I can't remember any of it. At all. It's all that quality sleep I'm missing...
I have started a new something as far as working out goes. TJ, the trainer at the gym I do boot camp at, wants me to drop my body fat percentage quickly, but he wants me to build up muscle, too. Last week I lost muscle mass as well as fat. I'm fine with that, but TJ has other ideas. He suggested that squats, push ups, and sit ups were the best exercises to do to quickly build up my muscles, so the last two days I've been doing 100 sit ups and 100 squats. I hurt my wrist on Saturday (when I caught Audrey as she tried to dive face first out of the car onto the Target parking lot) so I've been laying off of the push ups until today. My plan is to do those things in addition to my regular work outs - so, even on boot camp days, I need to get these things in. Here's hoping I can drop the fat, but get leaner quickly.
Anyone have any good tips for building up your muscles but still burning off the pounds? I am most concerned with getting that number on the scale down!

Fab Friday

Since I'm really super good at the negative, I thought I would talk about some good stuff today! I'm linking up with The Everyday Joys on the Fab Friday posts. So, without further ado...

*Sunday I'll be hitting up the Goodwill Outlet with my girl Steph and maybe her fantastic sisters. It's... a hot mess in there and I can't wait to see if we find the tall man in the girl pants again. Loved him. I shall report back next week with any good finds. I may take pictures, but I worry that my camera will not survive that place. It's likely someone would rip it out of my hands.

*It being Friday means I have two glorious days where I don't have to watch CNN. We have it on non-stop at work and I can always use the break.

*A few weeks back we booked our very first family vacation that does not involve going to see Eric's family. That's right. We have never, since we got together, gone away from home NOT to visit his family. While I love his family and all that, it's going to be amazing to have a vacation where I don't feel like I have to be on my best behavior.

*THIS:

I don't have a source for this. Bad, I know...

What are some fabulous things happening with you lately? 

This one turned out to be a downer.

I kind of felt like I owned it at boot camp last night. I really did. I didn't quit at any point. I just pushed through and got it done and that was really nice. Until I looked at my fitbit and saw that I had not burned nearly the amount of calories I needed to burn to hit my boot-camp-day goals. Dang it. The frustration was overwhelming. I thought I had control of it.... I went home and got right on the elliptical with the intention of burning off a handful more of those calories -even if I still didn't hit my goal. Well, the more I thought about it and the more tired I got... I lost it. I cried. I wheezed. It was not pretty. And Eric? He was already in bed (at 8:15) and when I was crying he just laid there. Super supportive, that one.
I feel better about it today. I went in for the weekly weigh in this morning and I was down a few pounds. Four, to be exact, but I weighed last Thursday in the evening and this one in the morning, so it might not be a fair comparison. I was also down half an inch around my waist and half an inch around my hips. I should be proud of those things and I am. I'm also afraid I won't hit my 30 by 30 goal. I worry that I've set myself up for failure on this one.
This is kind of why I don't set goals for myself a lot of the time. Because if I miss them, the panic and the sense of failure turn me into an insane person. It goes from being "I didn't lose 30 lbs, but I did lose 20 and that's good!" to being "I've failed. I'm a failure at life. Nothing is ever going to go right again. Maybe I can eat that weight back on in the form of ice cream".
TJ, the trainer at the gym, wants me to focus on building muscle and lowering my body fat percentage. I've lost pounds, but I've also, apparently, lost muscle mass.
How the hell am I supposed to focus on gaining one and losing the other?
Anyone have any tips for me?
What are your goals - long term and short term? For me, it's still the 30 by 30 and being able to run The Color Run on my birthday without walking any of it. I think I'm going to stop worrying about that muscle mass stuff and just focus on getting the weight off. I know you need the muscle, but for now, it's all about burning up the calories.

Blogging question

Hi friends.
Does anyone know when it's 'okay' to put a blog button thing on your sidebar? I am working towards the Operation Red Bikini goal and I see that some of the fine ladies involved have a little sign on their blogs that indicate they're doing it to. I wanna join that party! Do I just do it or do I need someone's okay? Am I as bad at being a blogger as I think? Your input is needed.

Finally Friday!

What is it about having ONE day off in the week that makes it feel like you were not at work for seven days? We had Monday off in honor of MLK day and so I had to spend most of Tuesday catching up on reading all of my favorite blogs work and things and that means this here blog got ignored. That and the fact that I lead a very boring life and am once again second guessing the decision to even TRY to blog. There is so little worth sharing! So! I shall bullet point today.

• I was down two pounds on Wednesday morning and felt pretty good about that! Until I went to boot camp last night and turns out it was Weigh In Thursday and their scale showed me four pounds heavier than mine had the morning before. Also, the owner, TJ, used his fancy phone to calculate our body fat and I am shamefully fat. Shamefully. So it gave me a little more oomph in my workout but also made me want to fall into a vat of whipped cream covered stuffed french toast. Tasty.
• The in-laws head home Monday. I'm having the mixed emotions about it. I'm glad to get the girls back to their regular every day (and, okay, me too) but the good company and delicious food will be missed. I'm getting a sneaking suspicion that my mother-in-law would be happy to move back to the area. I would not object to that move. 
• To clarify, we really do love having them here. Angie is a sweetheart and Eric and Jim get along famously and have the best time doing projects together. But, I am a creature of habit. I'm someone who does best when things are just so. It's always an adjustment to have house guests and this visit has probably be the best one yet. I'm learning how to mellow on my crazy lady behavior and they're learning how we roll. It's been lovely, even if I'm ready to just have my little family in my house.
• So on Wednesday I had this great plan for the evening. One might even call it idyllic. (one would be dumb. Dumb, dumb, dumb.) A few weeks ago Steph had purchased some Melissa and Doug wooden mirrors for me for the little ladies. They came with these gems that you could glue on, stickers, and glitter glue. Basically, little girl crack. The night before, right at bedtime, Eva had wanted to have her hair french braided and her toes painted, so I thought, how nice for us. We'll do that, too, and it will be little girl heaven time. Yeah. No. We did the mirrors and it was glorious. They both loved it even if Audrey is too little to trust with glue of any fashion. Then, we did toes and followed it up with piggy tails for Audrey and double french braids for Eva. They even got to watch a freaking episode of Doc McStuffins. It was delightful. Until Doc ended and Eva had a high speed come apart because we wouldn't indulge her desire for another show. I'm surprised that the police did not show up at my door based on the level of screaming and flailing that took place. Sister has a voice that travels and she screams like you are stabbing her if you cross her at the wrong time. The lesson learned: Don't do nice things with your children. End of story.
• Both children cussed this week which just shows what a stellar parent I am. Eva said crap and Audrey (you'll remember her as the child who doesn't speak) said shit. I really win at this job. 

There is no point to this

Today is not a goal reaching day. It's just not.
My goal is to move. To burn calories. To make my heart race and my blood pound through my veins.
I'm a receptionist. I get paid to sit on my ass and smile.
Most days, I have a friendly little person who comes in and sits by me and lets me run off and galavant around the building so I can sort of meet those goals. She's off today so my job is to NOT GET UP. It's a little frustrating. I won't get in my ellipitical time tonight because we're taking my in-laws out for dinner for their anniversary, and if the last four weeks have been any indication everyone will be ready WHEN I WALK THROUGH THE DOOR and I will not even have a moment to, ahem, use the facilities. And we're hitting up The Pasta House and I promise I will not eat an entire dinner sized order of fettuccine alfredo and nor will I eat more than two one of those delightful tiny loaves of bread. I will be a grown up and show restraint and also order the spaghetti with that light tomato sauce. I can't think of the name. Life is no fun.

So, last night, randomly, Eva pokes me in the bottom lip. "Mommy," she says, "why is your lip pink, but this one" here she pokes my top lip "....looks like this...." I don't know what 'looks like this' is. I was fairly certain my lips were uniform in color until last night. This is the same child who, while I was pretending I liked to run, repeatedly asked her daddy "Why is Mommy SO SLOWWW". Girlfriend has a way of knocking you down a peg.

I'm getting itchy again about Audrey's speech. Or, rather, lack thereof. Most words sound exactly the same if she bothers to say words at all. Most words, that is, except for "shoes". She has a serious fetish. She can't say Eva's name but she has been able to pronounce shoes clearly for many months.
It might be time to bring in a speech therapist. I'm really considering calling and having her screened. I hope it's nothing. I hope she's lazy and quiet. But, I'd rather know now if she's going to be speech delayed.
Does anyone know anything about this stuff? Am I crazy? 20 months old with maybe ten words and various animal sounds doesn't seem like enough....