Friday, September 28, 2012

I hate running.

For real. It is the worst idea I have ever had. Why did I think this was something I could get interested in? I started reading all these running blogs. I read articles. I bought new shoes. Bought a stop watch. Now I want to do almost anything besides run. I'm on week 5 or 6 of the Couch to 5K and running has gone from being something I was excited about and looked forward to doing to something that I think about all day in the most dreaded way.
The thing is: I don't hate working out. I used to do a step aerobics class and I LOVED that. I did a kick boxing class and enjoyed it. Even weights and body weight training... I'm fine with it all. But running is owning my ass. It is making me feel small and pathetic. I want to quit.
I probably won't, though. Because my husband won't let me and my friend Stephanie will shame me from here to next Sunday if I do. But, I swear. This might kill me.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

A Day In The Life

I'm linking up with Holly from "Where We Can Live Like Jack And Sally". (NOTE: I'm ridiculously excited that I figured out how to put the link in using her name.)  This is the first time I've ever linked up to something and I probably won't do it again for a while, I'm sure. It's a scary step to me, putting my name on a list with some other more experienced bloggers who actually edit and review their posts and all that good stuff. I'll get there someday, I'm sure, but right now I am a big fan of type it and hit publish and move on with my day.
Lately, my first alarm goes off at 4:50 because I am dreaming of getting up and working out in the morning - though this has yet to happen. Neither my husband nor I have heard this alarm either day this week, so I think my phone is conspiring against me. Next is a five a.m. alarm that I have decided is ten minutes too late to get up to work out and twenty minutes to early to start getting ready. So, the next one goes off at 5:20 and I haul myself out of bed and into my bathroom. I shower at night because I know that I'm lazy in the morning, so I wash my face, brush my teeth, do my hair and make up, and attempt to get dressed before I hear Eva call out "Mommy Daddy, I'm awaaaake" at three second intervals, with increasing volume until one of us goes in to get her up. She doesn't get out of her own bed because we've trained her to stay put. I don't want her wandering at night, but this means she also will not get out in the morning. Such is life.
If she doesn't wake up and call for us, Eric usually gets her up and either dresses her or lets her dress herself. (Incidentally, I'm so excited to have a kid who is old enough to dress herself.) I hurry to finish dressing and get Audrey up and fight her into a clean diaper. How is it that babies are so damn strong? That kid. It's like wrestling a drunk monkey to get her changed in the mornings. We all head downstairs together to get shoes on and all that basic stuff. Lately Eric's schedule has allowed him to help with daycare drop off, so I take Audrey into her room (where she runs to her teacher, then points to the door and orders me to "go") and he takes Eva (who we then have to wave at through the window for an inordinate amount of time) and we part ways there.
I have an hour long commute. It is the devil. Today I got gas and food on my way in. The gas was not necessary, but I wanted to eat and needed an excuse to stop and buy food. I wanted to eat because I was feeling crabby - I managed to forget my rings, my earrings, and I also had a giant hole in the ass of my pants and had to go back in and change. Fun morning.
I work as a receptionist at a law firm. I sit next to one of my best friends all day (Hi, Steph!) and really enjoy the people I work with. For the most part. In my private life, it's well known that I don't actually like people that much, so this is big... the fact that I enjoy the people I interact with on the daily. On a good day, Steph and I will say something phenomenally funny and laugh until we cry. Then we get to write it down in a book for future review when we are not so funny. I sometimes work out at lunch, if I can get someone to go and do it with me. I am not a fan of doing things alone. Yesterday I got in a half hour over lunch and felt pretty good about it!
Hour long commute home. Woo.
With the advent of The Running, my nights are a bit different than they used to be. We run Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Sunday. Sometimes the kids insist on walking back home once we get to the sidewalk and last night was one one of those nights. It was also the night that Audrey discovered her shadow. She had to pause to check it out A LOT. It took us twice as long to get home because she was suspicious of that dark spot following her around.
Once we did get home, I made tacos - including a home made taco seasoning. Eva ate well and bragged about it pretty consistently for the rest of the night. Audrey... was not good and did not eat. That is all I will say about that. She was a tiny hot mess. We made our way upstairs for bath time and then watched The Voice while the girlies played. At some point, Eva decided we had to look at pictures of Santa Clause, so The Google found some for us and I taught Audrey that Santa says 'Ho Ho Ho' which she refused to say until I was talking to Eric and then said it, super fast, under her breath.
Bedtime went surprisingly well and I finished up my night with a shower and some Words With Friends. I turned off the television at 9:30 for the night. At this point, Eric had been sleeping beside me for a good forty five minutes. Because he's practically ninety.


Monday, September 10, 2012

Calorie Counting and all that jazz

I think it's time for me to start logging what I eat and counting calories. I am actually UP two pounds this week and that's with four days of running (or rather Couch25K running, but still) and push mowing my half acre, hilly lawn. I haven't been super with the food stuffs. It's not my jam. I like to eat. A lot. And I like good food that's not good for me. (I say that, sitting here, having just eaten some snack bag of cheddar cheesy goodness and drinking a Mountain Dew....)
The truth is, this is harder than it has been in the past. And I didn't ever intend for this blog to become just about my eating and running habits, but I'm hoping that if I keep writing it down, I'll keep it in the forefront of my mind instead of hiding from what's really going on.
What's really going on is this: When I focus on it, I'm excited about weight loss. I'm excited about eating better - feeding my body versus feeding my cravings and emotions. I'm excited about running and working out and teaching my girls to live a healthier lifestyle. I'm excited about getting fit. But, I'm not focusing on it ENOUGH. I'm not making it a major part of my life. It's an after thought. So, when someone asks if I want a cookie, OF COURSE I WANT A COOKIE. And then I eat it. And then twenty minutes after that I feel like a fool for having eaten it. I struggle with this. I struggle with not hiding from the fact that I KNOW I should not have that cookie. I struggle with acknowledging that it's not a good choice and then I struggle with making myself make up for those mistakes by doing better the rest of the day. Calorie counting is daunting. I'm not excited about that. But, I found a website, via another website, where you can plunk your recipes into it and it figures up for you about how many calories one serving would be. So, I'm going to try it out. Soon. I think for the time being I'll just be logging the food and exercise and trying to force myself to be a grown up and actually face my issues...
Do you count calories?

Friday, September 7, 2012

I can't come up with a title to save my life.

Just a rundown of a few things because I haven't posted in a while and that makes me a terrible new blogger person.

1. This weekend is going to be GLORIOUS. We've had a lot of really hot, really dry weather for a really long time in these parts and I cannot wait to enjoy the mid seventies tomorrow is offering. My middle sister and I (Hi BOO!) will be hitting up some yard sales in the a.m. and then going to my fervit (favorite) cousin's bridal shower. When we're done with THAT, hopefully the hubs will be done with Drill (he's in the Guard and this is drill weekend) and we'll head out to watch a parade and maybe visit with some friends.
2. We are not very social. We'd like to be, but we're lazy and parents to two monsters, one of whom (Eva) hates other people, so we never get out much. I'm ridiculously excited to go the parade and visit!
3. I'm up to running three minutes at a stint. This is not much to regular people, but it's a huge feat to me. For real. Two weeks ago I was struggling to run for one minute and on Monday when I ran the first three minutes I felt on top of the world. I thought I could do it again right away. I was wrong. But, still. I did it. And then when I did the second three minute set, at the end, Eva asked Eric "Why is Mommy running so slow?" And then I finished the last fifteen seconds, collapsed on a table and wept.
4. Having your child call you slow when you are working as hard as you possibly can is really disheartening.
5. I am getting the itch to do some kind of a project. There are a few things in my way. Money is tighter than normal because Eric hasn't been working any overtime, so blowing money on some kind of supplies is not really a priority. Also, time. Also, that's about it.

Anyway, have a glorious weekend. I'm hoping to start next week with a new game plan, adding in a few mornings a week with exercise at the ungodly hour of quarter to five.